I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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