Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
