my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
