I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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