Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
