hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
