she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
