My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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