I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
