y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
