By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
