I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
