My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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