i can't believe i had my finger in that
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Randomize
