the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
