I am in a vortex of obligation.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she pinky promised me she was 18
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
