wrigley field is MILF paradise
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
