ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize