You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
