Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
