it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
