well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize