Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
only if we run a train.
done.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
