I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
