I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
