Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
