Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
