if you like me you must not know who I am
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
her vagine was all disorganized.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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