i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
