Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
