My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
