Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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