gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Randomize
