A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
