Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
