super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize