Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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