Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Damn victory sex feels great
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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