I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
