I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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