erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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