At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
