Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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