I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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