Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
