I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
