If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I need to stop coming to work sober
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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