i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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