My nipple is on Facebook.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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