I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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