he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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