She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
