Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
