Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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