I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
