so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
