So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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