We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
