More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
