One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
