So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
