thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
