A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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