Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
