the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize