this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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