How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i think im in europe. pls send help
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
