i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
