I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize