a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I love having hate sex.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
