This is not my ceiling
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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