I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
