HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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