I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
