I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
