You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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