I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
