Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is Oprah even human
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
