I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
