I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
