one might say we're banned from that church
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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