Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
