Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
