On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
