a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
