It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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