Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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