so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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