My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
