Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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