i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
