I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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