the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
