i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
