the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
