But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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