found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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