The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
