i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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